For the Man who Lost

Just like any other Saturday, I was lying on my bed with my laptop. My phone rang and it was a call from an old friend. Heard you are going to Europe? Yes, who told you? I smiled while replying Well that doesn’t matter. I was just happy when I heard this news. We spoke for some more time and then he hung-up. He congratulated me as if I have achieved something big. After his call I started thinking about series of events, which happened in last two months. One of our reputed clients came to our office and interviewed a few people for a project. If selected, we had to go to their site in Europe for one month on-boarding program followed by trips after regular intervals. I was super exited. It seemed like a life-time opportunity. After the interview, I eagerly waited for the results. They took some time and when I got the news of my selection, I was on the top of the world. I felt like a winner. But my joy was short-lived. Some things and feelings were changing dramatically. After about a week, my excitement was almost gone but the world around me was reminding every moment that I am going abroad in some time. I was just wondering that why it is a big deal. All of a sudden, I had become an important person. I realized that I have started getting more respect from people around me. It was strange and to some extent disturbing. And then, I started analyzing it. I wanted to get the reasoning behind this change in people’s behavior. I also wanted to get the answer of my own questions…why my excitement lived so short? Efforts are more important than results…..I have heard many people saying this (or similar stuff), but actually it is not true. Very few people care about the efforts. It’s just result, which makes or breaks an individual’s image in the society. And this society only greets the one who is successful. (The world society sounds funny but it is a strong world, for those who believe in it and also for those who don’t.) A small foreign trip doesn’t make me a successful person but it creates a successful event in my life. An event when I am being treated as a winner. I am sure I am…I have always been…..but then why so much recognition suddenly. I know I am un-necessary over analyzing the situation but somewhere inside me, someone, was not happy about this change. This someone is an unsuccessful part of me who tried hard to achieve things in the life but failed due to some reasons. The one, who prepared for medical entrance exams and couldn’t clear it; the one, who changed his job coz he got defeated by the system; the one, who got a bad feedback after working hard in the projects; the one, who lost an argument even though he was correct and the one, who tried to make positive changes in people and failed to do so. All these failed parts of mine were disappointed because they didn’t get the respect they deserved. Reason...they didn’t win. Unfortunately, I have always been more close to the unsuccessful part of mine. And why shouldn’t I be, they need me more. I am sitting at T3 terminal of IG International Airport. I have to go to Switzerland via Austria. And then, I will go to Germany. I am thinking…this all scenario; an onsite opportunity, first international flight, upcoming thrill of two most developed foreign lands; is it worth taking so much of mine and others attention…...is it worth being a blog post? I don’t think so. But why do I want to be unfair to the one who achieved something. I have written posts about the unsuccessful ones. Is the unsuccessful parts of my soul are jealous of the successful part. If yes, why do I want to take their side? Why I am not that happy about something, which is supposed to be big. If I am, why can’t I feel it to that extent. I always knew…..the mirror, in front of which I am standing, has two faces.

Confidence

We were walking towards the cyber café to check Varun’s result. I knew he had worked really hard for this entrance exam. I was hoping that he would clear it; however, I had my doubts. Varun: I don’t think I have a chance Me: And why do you think so Varun: You should have seen the crowd. They all were from premier schools and colleges. Most of them were speaking so good English that I thought of returning back from there only. Trust me; I can never speak that good English Me: You don’t have to speak that good English. You have got good communication skills; it doesn’t matter that you can’t speak fancy English. And moreover, this is not only about English. There are so many other things Varun: I know and I am not saying I am bad or something, it’s just that there are people smarter than us and they have got more chances than us for sure. We will have to accept this fact Me: And why do you think they are smarter Varun: Most of them are from tier 1 cities, and from school and colleges, we have only dreamed of. We are from a small Hindi medium UP board school. This is just our hard work, which makes us think of at least giving this exam. I really don’t see any chances. Look at Vishal, he was topper in our batch, got 80% in 12th. He got KMC. Now see, if he had been in ICSE or CBSE board, the percentage would have been over 90, he would have got much better college. Me: KMC is not a bad college either, though I know he deserves better. But my point is that he is doing well for himself and so are we, why are you losing your confidence? Varun: I just don’t feel confident. There were boys and girls talking about applying in UCLA and LSE. Can you imagine their standard? I am not saying all of them have capability to go there but at least they think about it. Now compare our thoughts with them. We never even dream about such places. We both laughed. He continued...this is among most reputed MBA entrance exam. I am just afraid of standing against the most elite class of students And then look at those girls. I mean does beauty has any limit We both laughed Me: I guess this is a better topic to talk about Varun: Well, those girls were so smart. They were speaking like they are born and brought up in the US. I overheard the conversation of many groups. Just by standing beside them, I felt that I am the most un-suitable person for this course I laughed. There was something strange about us. We were from the same background, same city, same school, and when it comes to competition with the smarter world, we had same pain points. But we were happy most of the time, even when we are bitching about opportunities, we did not get. We had reached to a cyber café and I was opening the computer. I could hear his heartbeats. I could see some big aspirations in the eyes of a small town guy. I prayed for him but I had my doubts. I too was afraid of the smarter world out there. I typed the application number in a rectangular box in the middle of internet explorer tab and clicked enter. A revolving circle was showing that information has been passed from the websites server to the user interaction portal. I remember, I just said three words…99.6 percentile, shit