Inner Side of "ME"

Priority

2011-10-17T11:06:00.001+05:30

A decent drinking joint on Friday evening is something which turns me on. I was with Aditya, my only friend at my new work place. In just a span of 2 months he had become a close friend of mine. Aditya was telling me about his future plans with Natasha. They had known each other for many years now and recently Natasha proposed him. Normally, girls do not take this initiative but in their case Natasha did. Though, Natasha was in a different team (in our office only) but I knew her well.
“Man, she is cute…I never thought of marrying her but it all suddenly changed after she proposed me last month. I would be spending life with my best friend. Isn’t that great!!..”
“Yeah, absolutely;” I said carelessly. I was on my fifth peg and alcohol was dominating my senses now.
“I am staying at her place today;”.. he said
“Sooo..what am I supposed to do. Gift you condoms;”.. I said and smiled.
“Fuck you man.. You are crap..” This was the obvious reply from him. Normally I do not speak such language when a friend is in serious relation but this case was different; they both knew me well and never mind my crappy jokes
I smiled again and took another sip of my drink.
“By the way; I must say, you are lucky. She is nice. I have seen very few girls with so good sense of….
“Oh my god” He whispered
“What happened” I stopped my sentence in between and asked. Before, I could say another word, I saw a female standing besides our table. They both were looking at each other’s face. I noticed that they both are so stunned that they are not able to speak. I waited for some conversation to begin but it seemed they both were hypnotized. I waited some more seconds for something to happen and nothing happened. Alcohol had made my mind bit volatile and somewhat funny. In next few seconds, I imagined a world where no one speaks. I liked this thought and was going to build a story inside my mind but a sweet voice brought me back to the real world.
“I cannot believe this. How are you Adi? I….I am soo happy to see you (her voice was literally trembling)..”
“Sher…shreya……oh my God, I am good...how are you and what are you doing here in Delhi. Its...its been so long, where were you all these years?..”
He stood up in excitement and suddenly something happened. They both hugged each other. “Old buddies” I thought. I waited for few seconds but nothing changed. “More than buddies” My thought changed .
“This is a long hug man, seriously” My mind was being funny again. “Seems I should Join them otherwise I will start crying..this situation is so senti” I would prefer funny over senti. I was trying to make all this humorous but suddenly something else happened…the girl started crying. Ohhh..now this is too senti…I can’t handle this; a crying girl spoiling my Friday evening. I made a stupid looking face but no one noticed.
Actually, I was just inches away from them but it seemed that I don’t exist. I felt that I have become invisible. My mind again went off the track…a world where I am not visible. “It would probably be very interesting” I had started a conversation with myself. Talking to me was my only choice; no one was noticing me there.
I came back to reality. Few minutes had passed and good thing was that she had stopped crying. She was saying something to Adi…I mean Aditya. Natasha calls him A and this girl calls him Adi. I wondered why people shorten the name of their loved ones. Is it just because of comfort or shortening the name has something to do with degree of affection? A new theory was about to come in this world.
“Length of nick name given by friend of opposite sex in inversely proportional to the love they have for the person” I declared. Of course, nobody heard or responded.
I noticed she is speaking very slowly. Something was troubling her throat.
Shreya: “I am here with my colleagues. We came to Delhi for campus hiring. I saw you and couldn’t believe my eyes. It’s been more than 4 years. You haven’t changed a bit. Still hot..”
She tried to crack a joke and smiled as well, but, suddenly 2 large tears drops rolled out of her eye. I knew now, what was troubling her throat.
She wiped her tears and then for next few seconds no one spoke. I was about to move into some other world when I heard her voice again.
“It was my fault. 2 years are not that long time but I thought we would not be able to take it forward. I was so stupid. I missed you all these years. I should have contacted you. It was not that difficult but I am paying for what I did to you and…………..to me
“Ohooo, so this is a matter of purana pyar” I have started being interested in their conversation. And yeah, I was still invisible to them
Aditya: “It was not all your fault, it was mutual. Even I was not sure that long distance relationship can work. I was not even sure I would come back to India. I don’t have any bad feelings for you or about our relation. The time I spent with you is the best time of my life.”
“Ohhhh man, this statement is politically incorrect. I am glad Natasha is not here.” I almost smiled at my thought
Shreya: “We had a perfect relation Adi. I loved you so much but I screwed it all.”
She again started crying.
‘why girls cry so much?’.. I asked a question and my inner self replied almost suddenly ‘No idea man..no idea at all’.. I suddenly felt an urge to smoke.
While I was standing I saw they are holding each other’s hand. I moved towards the smoking zone.
Aditya: “Why are you blaming yourself again and again? We were not that mature probably…we never thought our relation could…(he didn’t complete his sentence, I felt good about this, don’t know why). I tried to connect with you when I came back from Australia but then Venkat told me that you got married”.
It was an interesting turn in the story. The girl is married. I wish I could stay and hear the story but my priority was clear…cigarette!!
Smoking zone was actually at the terrace of the restaurant located on fifth floor of the building. When I reached there, I felt good. It was around 11 in night and cold breeze was making the environment perfect for smoking. I looked towards sky…..it was clear. The restaurant was at a quite place. I could hear the faint sound of moving vehicles somewhere. I don’t know how long I stayed there..probably half an hour and then I realized that I am missing the story. I turned back to move inside.
When I reached at my table I saw Aditya sitting quite with his heads down. He was lost. I knew he wants to cry but he wouldn’t.
I sat quietly. There was some drink left in my glass. He looked towards me but I didn’t ask anything
Aditya: “We should not have come here. Everything would be screwed now..”
“Why? What happened?” I asked
Aditya: “This girl was my ex girl friend. We had an affair during graduation. We were living in together for almost a year. We were so happy with each other. But we never looked at long term relation. I don’t know why. Probably we were too young and career was our first priority (Just like cigarette was mine, few minutes back…I understood the feeling). After grads, I was moving to Australia for my MBA and then we decided that we should finish this. We thought it would be cool. We both are of same type. I went to Australia and we were in touch for almost 6 months but then we couldn’t carry it further. I remember she once called me and said that she is not able to concentrate because of me and we should end this. We stopped talking after that but I used to ask my friends about her. One day my friend told me that she is going to IIM K for her MBA and then got engaged with someone. Life moved on…”
“So why are you worried? She is married and you have a girlfriend. Past is past. Forget it and don’t keep in touch with her and Don’t tell me that Purana pyar just revived after meeting her.” I said
“Her husband died just two months after their marriage. She is living alone since then” Aditya whispered. I couldn’t speak anything
She asked me whether I am married or engaged….”
What did you say?
Aditya: “I told her that I have a girlfriend. She did not say much after that and left soon…”
Good. Let’s move now.
We were sitting in his car. He wasn’t speaking anything. Alcohol effect had suddenly vanished from my mind. I knew what he is feeling inside. We did not speak to each other after that. He dropped me at my place and was moving.
I thought something and turned towards him “Don’t get in touch with her again. Did she give you her number or something?”
No ..
“Cool..now go and sleep and forget about this evening…”
I knew he would not. I was moving towards my house. I knew he would contact her. I also knew his present is going to have clash with his past. I don’t know why but I was feeling bad for Natasha. She had nothing to do with this complication but she was going to be a part of it soon. She is sweet and she truly loves him. At least as per my recent theory of shortening the names, she loves him more than Shreya.

...and the journey continues

2011-01-06T12:15:00.003+05:30

I wasn’t sure that the decision of leaving for Bangalore is right or wrong. It had been 2 months I was without job in Delhi and Bhai was suggesting me to try in Bangalore. When I put my papers in EY, I was very positive about the job offers from two companies. At both the places HR people had communicated that I am through. EY experience had not been good for me and I always wanted to leave the firm. I took a bold (or may be stupid) decision and resigned from EY without getting job offers from any other firm. Things turned rough after that and both the firms did not make the final offer. In the next two months, I had understood that if 2007 was a bad year for me, 2008 is going to be worse. I was right. Apart from the job factor some more surprises were waiting for me. Some really good ones. I was almost broken down by the way things were moving and then I decided to move to Bangalore. I was sad. I never wanted to leave Delhi.

I reached Bangalore on 23rd July, 2008. I was dying to get a job. I learned that the worst part about being jobless is not that you don’t get money; rather its loneliness you get when you have nothing but time. Pizzas losses its taste and all movies become boring when you are not happy from inside. Another thing which I realized during that time is that when your own strength breaks, the only thing which can force you to move ahead is the trust and motivation of your loved ones. Bhai and Bhabhi were doing the same thing for me at that time.

Somewhere in the last week of August I received a call from a consultant regarding some job opening in Kotak Mahindra Bank. I have never been interested in Bank jobs but I decided to give the interview. When I reached at the main branch of the bank I saw a big crowd of not so professionally dressed people (mostly boys and very few girls). I was under impression that this interview is for the operation division of the bank but to my surprise it was actually for a sales job. The profile was to sell credit cards to corporate sector people. I don’t know why but I gave the interview. Most of the guys there were simple graduates. I met with the regional head of the bank in last round and after having a look at my resume he just told me one thing.
“I know that you are not going to stay.”

I thought they will not take me but I got the job offer from the bank and they were offering me Assistant Sales Manager profile with the same package on which I had left EY. Keeping in mind the fact that I was not doing job since 4 months, the offer wasn’t bad. I was in big dilemma. From consulting to sales……doesn’t sounds to be a good switch. After doing analysis of each and every factor I decided to take up the job. I wasn’t happy. I felt like a looser.
Till the time Bhai and Bhabhi reached home from office I had already convinced myself to take up the job. When I informed my decision to them, Bhai just said two lines.
“You are not born to sell Credit Cards…forget about the job and keep searching the profile you want.”
(No offense to sales people. Its just that I am not interested in sales job)

I did not join that job. I was confused between two thoughts “am I missing an opportunity OR I am refusing to compromise”. I know time will give the answer. It gave.

Next week I cleared interview in a small business research firm. This job offer was special coz it offered me the profile I wanted. I stayed there for 2.5 years. Time moved on and I regained almost all the things which I had lost. My confidence, my self respect and above all “Myself”. Pizzas had become tasty again and movies a good option to pass time. People who had been criticizing me for many of my decisions had started taking my favor. And I was there noticing that how people change with time. Both the best and the worst part about time is that its keep changing. That’s how life works. 2009 went really good and I met some very good people who helped me a lot in erasing the bad memories of 2008.

2009 and 2010 passed very quickly. I guess that’s why people say that good time flies. Good friends, parties every weekend, regular holiday trips and no worries. But there was something else which made this time wonderful…company of two most wonderful people and closest friends throughout “Bhai and Bhabhi”.
During the second half of 2010 I had almost decided to settle down in Bangalore but destiny has got the best sense of humor in the universe. There was a time when I did not want to move out of Delhi and it forced me to move to Bangalore and when I had almost decided that I will settle down in the city I got a job offer from Delhi. Surprises meets you when you least expect them.

I had put down my papers and was serving my notice period. One day, I got a call on my mobile and some lady spoke on the other side
“Am I speaking to Mr. Niteesh?”
Yes you are.

“Sir, I am calling from Kotak Mahindra bank and we are offering you a life time free titanium credit card. Would you be interested in it? I can send my executive to your office to collect the documents”
No. I am not interested.

I cut the phone. I thought something and I smiled.
The small calendar on my work station was showing 7th dec 2010. “Just 5 days left, Bangalore….so many beautiful memories….so many wonderful friends….an awesome stop in the journey of life” I though and I put the calendar and some other stuff inside my bag. These all were gifts from my close friends. After all, memories and souvenirs are the only things left after a journey ends.

Turning Point

2010-11-17T16:56:00.004+05:30

Year 2002.
CPMT (Medical entrance examination for the medical colleges in UP) result was out. Being a stud in my school life, many hopes were attached to me. My parents knew that I will crack the nut. I did, but my rank was good enough only to get BDS (not MBBS).

More than thousand students (mostly accompanied by their parents) were collected in the huge counseling hall with hopes and dreams of becoming a doctor. Roll numbers were called and students were moving towards counseling board room. I had already filled the form and was about to take admission in a dental college. When my roll number was called, I moved towards the counseling board along with my dad. The girl (8 out of 10) just before me was talking to counselors about the availability of the seats in different colleges. She was discussing more about the same college I was planning to join. An exciting thought ran into my mind. I started imagining her sitting next to me in the classroom. I closed my eyes and I saw that professor is dictating something and all students are writing. She is sitting so close to me that as I moved my hand to start writing, my shoulders touched with hers. She turned her head and our eyes met. She smiled. I found myself smiling standing in the queue. The girl was still filling the form.
My parents always wanted me to be a doctor, though they never specified but they always meant MBBS doctor. I knew they are not happy with my decision of joining BDS. The girl had got admission in that dental college. I found my future classmate smiling. Her father too was looking happy. “Either her father is dentist or he knows that my daughter is not capable enough to get MBBS” I thought. My turn came and I started filling the form. Seats were available in the college. I saw the girl watching me writing the same college name. She smiled. I knew I am born to be a dentist.
“Are you’re sure that you are comfortable with BDS” dad asked. “Yeah” I replied
Would you like to try one more year?
“No papa. I don’t want to waste one more year” I had filled the form and my arm was moving towards the counselor to handover the form along with the bank draft of 20K to block the seat.
We always wanted you to become MBBS doctor but its fine. If you are happy we are happy.
I looked in my dad’s eye. I saw myself standing in a white apron and stethoscope around my neck. I did not look like a dentist. I was looking like a surgeon. I pulled back my hand.
I will prepare one more year. I told to my dad.
I did. Next year, I did not even get BDS. Life has decided something else

Year 2005
I was irritated. The address mentioned in my admit card of MAT (entrance exam for B grade B schools) had some problems. I wasn’t able to get the centre of my test. Gomti Nagar in Lucknow is a big residential colony which is divided in to many khands (blocks) starting with V (Vipul khand, Vineet khand, Vishal Khand etc). My center was a “St Bosco school” in Viraj khand. I had searched all the roads in Viraj khand but I did not find the school. Even the locals were not able to help me. I was on a rikshaw and after the search continued for over 30 minutes, Rikshewale bhaiya got angry. I paid him some money and started walking. I saw my watch. It was 9.55 am. Test had to start at 10.
I was helpless. I had started thinking of doing MBA just before two months and MAT was the only entrance exam (having atleast OK type college) left at that time. If I could not join any college through this test I would definitely have to sit atleast 6 months at home doing nothing.
“Excuse me; do you know where St Bosco School is?” Some female voice knocked my ears. She was 8.5-9 out of 10 girl. She was in the back seat of a car and some driver looking person was driving it.
“I would have been sitting inside the class reading instructions if I had” I replied in not so polite tone. She saw me in surprise, waited for few seconds and understanding the situation, she said, “come inside. You will take years to find the college by walk”
The girl suddenly changed the way my destiny was behaving. The next man we asked the address was probably “LORD BRAMHA” himself. He said “this school is not in Viraj khand, it’s in Virat khand. 5-6 km from here. Probably it is a type error”. He told us the way.
I looked towards the sky from the car window and said to God “man, typo error in the admit card of my entrance exam. What were you planning to do with me”?
We reached the center at 10.15 pm. When I finished the test, I realized that I did not say thanks to the girl. When we reached in the school I was in so hurry that neither did I say thanks to the girl nor I saw which classroom she went into. My eyes were looking everywhere to find the girl. “If I find her I will say thanks and I will ask her for coffee also. After all she is a nice girl and she is pretty too. A rare combination” I was talking to myself. I had reached at the main entrance of school when I saw the girl. We waved to each other and I started moving towards her. Suddenly, a Papa type person came into existence from nowhere and the girl started talking to him. I stopped……… I could not say thanks.
I got good percentile in MAT. Joined Amity. Fell in love. Got campus placement. Moved to Hyderabad. Broke up. Came to Bangalore. Started another job. Met thousands of new people and so many wonderful friends. Overall, last 5 years have been wonderful. All because of that girl who gave me lift that day. Leave coffee, I could not even ask her name.
That day when I talked to God while going towards my centre, he had given the reply of my question. I just could not hear it then.
“Dude, typo error was from your fellow humans. I sent someone to help. And coz you are close to me, that someone was a girl. An 8.5 out of 10 girl.”

Love Story of a Dog

2010-08-23T11:55:00.000+05:30

I don’t remember my date of birth. I don’t remember where I was born. The first thing which I remember about myself is that they were saying I am cute. I was of about 15 days then. I wasn’t even able to walk properly. When I entered in the house I knew my life is going to be special. Now, I am around 10 years old and I know that the end is near. My name is Bruno. I am a brown Labrador and this is my story.

I have a beautiful family. Mom, dad and Divya, my sis. They all love me. Divya is the only daughter of my parents. She loves me more than anyone else in this world. Whenever she is at home she spends most of the time with me. She talks to me a lot but unfortunately I could never understand most of the things she speaks. Although I always pretend that I understand her. That gives us happiness, I guess. Somehow I have understood the meaning of some words like “sit down” “shut up” “get out” etc. I know, I am not supposed to understand more than these words in this life.

I remember one day Divya was telling me something and she was looking very happy. She was pulling my both ears with excitement. It was hurting but I did not want to interrupt her. I feel good when I see my family happy. After talking to me for long, Divya showed me a picture of hers with a male human. They were very close to each other in the pic. I recognized the guy in the picture. He was the same who comes to home with Divya quite often, mostly when mom and dad are not at home. Whenever he comes, Divya spends all the time with him. I hate this guy. Probably, Divya is in love with this guy. I wasn’t able to understand Divya’s feeling at that time but I was going to understand it very soon.

I was sitting on the grass of our lawn when I saw her for the first time. She was standing just outside our main door. She had put her leg between the two iron bars of our main gate and was trying to pull a piece of bread which I had left just inside the door. As soon as I saw her I barked and ran towards her. I do that every time when I see a street dog. When she saw me coming, she pulled her leg back from between the bars and stepped back. I smiled coz I did not let her take the bread. I looked at her with a winning smile and suddenly everything got changed. She was clean unlike other street dogs. She was white with black patches. She was slim..zero figure I guess. But the best part was her blue eyes, just like Aish’s (I have seen some of Aish’s movie with Divya). She was one feet away from me, just outside our main door. I had seen a female of my species so close to me for the first time. I was lost. Suddenly she turned back and disappeared.

I spent rest of the day thinking about her. I don’t know what has happened to me. I was feeling bad for not letting her take the bread. I had screwed my chance to make a girlfriend. Next day, I intentionally left a piece of bread on the main door and waited for her for really long. She didn’t come. Four days passed and I was leaving breads everyday but she did not appear. I thought I would never be able to see her but then one day I saw her standing at some distance and finding something (probably food) from the garbage. I saw her moving towards our house. “Damn…she is beautiful” I thought. The piece of bread was lying near the door. I pushed it closer to the door and came inside the house. Actually, I was hiding behind the wall to see her. She came waited for really long before coming near to gate. She wanted to check that it is not a trap. She easily got the bread and ate. I felt good, don’t know why.

That day onwards I was doing that every day. Leaving bread near the door exactly at the same time when she comes and then sit quietly on lawn to wait for her. Somehow, I had managed to give her confidence that I am not an enemy. Now she used to take the bread even when I am in lawn and watching her. Mom, dad and Divya were wondering why I am spending so much time outside the house. I guess they were thinking that I have become more sincere towards the security of our house now.

Before all this stuff, I used to hate those romantic movies which Divya watched before going to sleep. Now days, I was loving those movies. Things were progressing and she was not at all afraid of me now. She had understood that I am a friend. So far I never went close to her while she is eating the bread. I used to roam around the lawn area while she is eating the bread, ignoring her completely. Style…you know.

One day I was intentionally standing near the gate while she was coming to take her daily meal. She saw me standing there and she stopped. “I immediately turned back and came inside the house. I will have to wait few more days” I thought.

And then came that day, I was sitting just near the door and she came. She saw me, waited for few seconds and then moved her leg inside to take the bread. I remain still like dead. I did not want to lose this chance by scaring her. She saw me staring at her. Things progressed from there and we started talking. Every afternoon she used to come and we had long talks. One day, I saw some dogs following her on streets…son of a bitch.
I was jealous.

I was sure she likes me too and why not…I am good looking, rich, and a top breed. Meanwhile, Divya had seen us with each other few times but she didn’t say anything. One day when we were together she came towards us and asked me to come in. I obeyed. Family..u know.
Divya spoke to me for very long. Probably Divya was trying to say that that she did not like that street dog. Well, even I don’t like her boy friend and what a big deal if she is a street dog. Love stories don’t see rich and poor. Divya has seen Titanic but still she don’t understand. I did not stop leaving breads and she did not stop coming. Rather Divya stopped bothering me. True love wins, u see.

She had become bit fat now coz her lunch bread were increasing in number. I did not care coz love doesn’t depend on physical beauty.

One summer afternoon, I was watching her eating breads. Suddenly she bent her body in a strange way and slipped inside the door. I always wondered why there was a half feet space between the door and ground. Now, I had understood that was God’s vision. This was the first time we were so close to each other and there were no stupid iron bars between us. I took her to the area behind parking and guess what…..we made love. We made love like dogs.

From that day onwards we did that every time we got the opportunity. I love summer afternoon coz everyone prefers to be inside house. Life was perfect.

Even mom and dad have seen me giving bread pieces to her but they never said anything. Things moved nicely for next few months and one day I noticed that she is pregnant. I would become father in less than 2 months. I was the happiest dog on the earth that day. But everything has an end, isn’t it?

Next one month was normal. Things were moving as earlier and then she started looking ill. One day she came and stayed very long. She was looking very tired. When she left I saw her going away until she disappeared. That was the last day I saw her.

I waited for many days but she didn’t come. I knew something wrong has happened. I was sad and unfortunately I was not able to share it with someone. Divya has probably understood. She talked to me many times though I could never understand what she is trying to say. Being a dog sometimes sucks. Well…can’t help it.
I was still spending most of the time in lawn waiting for her. I was still leaving bread pieces at door. Many times I imagined her standing outside the door. I was sad and I thought my love story has reached to an end. I was wrong to some extent.

One day I saw a very young dog across the street. He was brown with white patches on him. He was looking different from other street dogs. Muscular body, broad head, long ears. He was hardly one month old and he was barking at a cow, 100 times bigger than him. I smiled.

Years have passed but I still remember everything about her. Those days were amazing. I don’t have anything to regret coz being a dog I couldn’t expect a better life. I got a great family, I never had to sleep without food and above all I have someone of my type to think about. Now, I am an old dog. I am not able to walk very long and my eyesight has become very week. I am lucky that I still have my family support with me. Divya has got married to the same guy. She comes home quite often. Mom, dad still loves me a lot.

[This story is not complete fiction. I have heard many stories of Bruno from his sis (and my close friend) and I have compiled those stories in this post.]

...and Just Like That

2010-06-28T12:13:00.002+05:30

Three months have passed and I did not hear anything from him. I knew he wants to be alone and so I did not try to contact him. I had already started my survey and successfully interviewed more than 10 people. Few of them were my friends and few my friend’s friend. Some of my friend thought I am crazy and I was wondering why they noticed it so late. Responses from the people I was interviewing were really good. One fact which I realized during these discussions was that people feel better to talk to a person who hears their problem or pain without providing his/her expert comments and without digging more. I made some good friends during all these stuff. One of them was a nice girl who was my friend’s friend. I found this girl really sensible & mature and she found me very funny (it’s my guess ;). She supported my survey and I was glad that I finally found someone who has respect for my stupid thoughts. We became very good friend in next few days.

When I reached his place I found that nothing has changed inside his room. All the DVDs, cards, pics which she gifted him were at the same places I saw last time. I told him to destroy all those things but he refused. We talked for 3-4 hours and 90% time his talks were related to her. Till the moment I left his place I had become so irritated that I could bang my head on the wall but fortunately I am not stupid enough to do that. But yeah, I am smart enough to do one thing. When I left his place I stole three romantic songs DVDs which she gifted him. One more thing which I had learned from my survey that destroying the old gifts and souvenirs helps in recovery a lot. I gifted those DVDs to my new pretty friend. The DVDs were of highly romantic songs and the girl misunderstood me initially. She said;
“Hey, you are really a nice guy and very good friend of mine. But I cannot think in that direction. I don’t have any feelings for you except friendship. “
Damm..life is funny. Isn’t it?
I explained her everything and told her my friend’s story. We laughed loudly at this incident. Next time when I visited his place he slapped me really hard. He said “I cannot believe you are trying to steal my memories. I hate you. Get lost.”
I got lost (just for that day)

Some more months passed and I introduced my new friend to my old friend. Somewhere in my heart I wanted something between these two. When I said this to him he gave me an “I will kill you right away” look. In next few meets, they mixed up very nicely. She also convinced him to get rid of all the gifts he got from her ex. I had tried it so many times and he never listened to me. I wondered why guys can be convinced so easily by girls. We started hanging out together and many times we where together I had a Déjà vu feeling…….only the girl was different. His recovery was really good after he met her. Through all this I understood one more fact that only a girl can fulfill the emptiness given by another girl. “God..I am becoming expert in human relations” I thought. Meanwhile my friend has started laughing again but still he was relating most of the discussions to his past which was quite irritating for me but our new friend was supporting him every time.

One day she called me and said what I was expecting to hear “I think I have started feeling for him. I think about him all the time.”
“So what do I do? Go and tell him” I said
I am afraid. Why don’t you ask him what he feels for me?
“I don’t have time for all this crap. My friends are waiting for me in a pub. Nothing is important than beer”. I hung up and smiled. Things were going in the same direction I expected. She was the perfect match for him.

One day I called him at 11.30 in night and his phone was busy. Out of curiosity I called her and her phone was also busy. After that I tried it many times and results were same. Neither of the two ever complained why I do so.

He met me in the same old park. He was looking worried.
‘She proposed me”
I looked at his face and said “so?” I pretended to be careless about it.
“You know everything. I am not ready for all this again” He replied.
Then say no.
I can’t. I mean I can’t say no directly. She is a nice girl. She has become my best friend. She listens to all my crap without saying anything. (Dammmmm. I did the same thing for even longer period but I am sure he never noticed that) She is helping me in getting back to life. I can’t hurt her.

He kept speaking good thing about her. I could have taken a nap. I knew he has started feeling for her but he is not going to admit it so easily or probably he don’t even know that. When he finished his essay he looked at me expecting to hear something and I said:

“I always thought I am your best friend”

He was irritated coz I was not trying to understand him and he was very right. As soon as he left the place I received call from her. She was sounding happy. She told me that he is not ready yet and he will take some time. I knew she is right.

And just like that another story was going to reach at happy ending.

I was about to move from the place and my phone rang. It was a call from an unknown number. I picked up the call. Though I was hearing her voice after a long time but I recognized it

“Its been long. Just wanted to know how you guys doing? I cannot call him so called you. How is he? Does he talk about me? Does he count me among the worst person he met in his life? Is he seeing someone? Does he miss me?

She wanted to ask so many questions and I knew the answer of all of them but I was not interested in telling. Some questions need to be unanswered. I cut the phone. As I turned, I saw the same old board. Some interesting person has removed the word “NO”. It was now saying “Thank you for smoking”.

I had left smoking. I smiled.

Just Like That

2010-06-03T13:04:00.002+05:30

I would not say that he is my best friend but he has always been among my closest ones. He is more important to me as compared to other friends because he is among very few people to whom I discuss my problems. Our friendship is many years old and we know each other’s strengths and weaknesses. We have so many friends in common but whenever we need to share something important we meet alone. He is a simple guy, away from the politics of this world, calm, sensitive and pure from heart. One major difference between us is that I have never been much interested in love stories and he is a firm believer in love at first sight. I remember that he used to tell me that someone somewhere is made for you and the day she will meet you, your world will change. I always laughed on all this crap.

It was chilling evening of November when he introduced me to a pretty girl. We went for a coffee and the moment I was sipping my hot coffee I saw them lost in each other’s eyes. She was smiling and I knew that my boy has found his love. While we three were walking back from coffee shop, it was only me who was speaking. While I was telling her some funny story my dear friend was staring at her like an Alzheimer’s patient. She caught him many times staring at her and every time they exchanged a gaze, she smiled. After many minutes and many sentences I found that no one is interested in my story. After two months I witnessed the moment when he proposed her. I don’t know why but he wanted to propose her in front of me and he did that. Probably he wanted someone to take care of him if the girl says no. I did not get chance to know whether my guess is right or wrong because she immediately said yes and told that she was eagerly waiting for this day to come. I was the third happiest person on the earth at that moment.

Years passed and their love grew with every single passing day. The intensity of our friendship wasn’t affected by their relation though we were spending comparatively less time with each other now. One day he called me up and when I asked about her he told me that everything is going perfect and they have started making future plans as well. Apart from convincing their families and marriage time, their future plans also included the name of their kids. I laughed loudly; these romantic people are so funny. He was really happy that day.

Few more months passed. I was busy in my new job and we had not talked for quite a long time but I was too busy to think about him. One day I found him standing in front of my door. He was looking pale and I knew he has some bad news to tell.

“Her family is against our marriage. They are marrying her to someone else.” He said in slow and heavy voice. “She is broken. They are doing it forcefully. They are emotionally blackmailing her.” He wanted to tell me so many things in few seconds.

After hearing the story I said to him “call her and tell her that we are coming to take her”
No. He replied.

Why not? Are you afraid of anything?
No. I have already told her what you want to me to tell her. I am ready to do anything but I don’t want to force her. I don’t want to convince her for this yes. If I love her truly she will come back.

“What if she doesn’t come back?” I asked
“Sill will come” He replied.

I could see a hope in his empty eyes. I knew that he wanted to prove his love in his own heart. I knew he is waiting and I prayed God that she comes back.

She did not.
Our friendship had completed one circle. We started with each other and there we were: the two of us”.

We were sitting in the park. I was smoking and a board just in front of me was saying “Thank you for no smoking”. Sometimes, situations throw jokes on us when we don’t need them. Still I manage to smile.

“So..now what?” I asked.
“Need some time to rethink about my life. I have lost myself, I need to find me.” He replied

I had seen this guy falling deeply in love. I knew he was in great pain. I saw his face and I realized why I am scared of emotional people.

“Hurting?…badly???????”
Yes.

“I don’t know why she did this” I said.
We don’t know her side of story completely and so we should not comment. I just know few things. She loved me but I was not the top of her priority list and there is nothing wrong in that. I would be all right in some time. This time may be years. I believe in God. He has answers for all the questions. I know he will give me the answer.

This is about future…what about today.
It’s hurting…badly

He stood up and left. I have felt the emptiness in his heart. I thanked God that he did not make me too emotional. I have always been careless and I love the way I am. At least I don’t give people any chance to hurt me. I wanted to see how things will go now. I always wanted to do a survey on the average time taken to return in normal life after a break-up, especially for guys. I knew I will do it now. I lit another cigarette. The board was still saying “Thank you for no smoking”. I smiled. Howsoever bad the situation is; a joke is always welcomed.

To be continued…

The Messenger

2010-03-15T11:52:00.004+05:30

The world was passing me with a speed of 70 km per hour. It was a pleasant evening in Bangalore and I was enjoying my drive. I reached at the reception party at 8.30. I was feeling a bit tired because of the 45 k.m. drive. I went directly to meet Aditya and Ahana and they were looking great together. As I was approaching them, I crossed many good looking and formally dressed people and I realized that I am wearing the same jeans, I did not wash for I don’t know how many days.

“Congrats dood, finally you made it. Hey gorgeous, u too did it. You guys deserve Noble for winning the invincible battle” I said to the couple and laughed loudly as if I have cracked a great joke. It was an intercast, interreligion and interstate marriage and after a lot of emotional drama, the families finally agreed for the marriage. I talked to them for 10 minutes and during the conversation Ahana laughed on all my jokes. Finally when I was leaving them, Aditya told me “Man your sense of humor is pathetic. Only girls laugh at your jokes.”
“And that is my motivation”, I replied smiling. Ok guys, now you attend other guests and don’t worry, I will not be off without having dinner. I said while leaving them.
“I know. Hope you will not get bore. You don’t know anybody here.” Aditya said.
“I enjoy my company a lot” I said and moved toward the area where drinks were being served.

My jeans was teasing all well dressed people. The function was at a very beautiful open resort. The central area was surrounded by beautiful green trees. The food was being served at one side and the cocktail area was on the right of that. I was passing through the area where dining arrangement was made with circular tables and 6 chairs around them. Slow instrumental music, dark green grass on the ground, smell of flowers and slow breeze was making that area a perfect place for drink.

“Blenders Pride with coke and soda” I told the bar tender and moved towards an empty table. A waiter served me the leg of some unlucky chicken. In next 30 minutes I had moved to my 3rd peg and waved 2 times to Aditya. It’s a never said but universally accepted fact that if you wave the person who is giving the party with a smile on your face means either you are enjoying or at least trying to show that you are enjoying the party. But I was actually enjoying the moment. I was drinking and observing people (actually girls). I was wondering that why every girl is looking so pretty. As a part of an old game of mine, I was rating all girls on a scale of 10 and I was surprised that no one had got less than 7 so far.

“7, 7.5, 8, 7 again. Ohh this one is 8.5… no man she is 9. Just look at her figure and eyes. 9 is final.” I was enjoying my game and suddenly a different thought came in to my mind. “How many points a girl will give me if she plays the same game.7, 7.5?” I smiled and started the game again. Suddenly I noticed something.

“Ohhh, that “9” girl is staring at me continuously. Man, I always knew I am good looking.8 points to you buddy.” I smiled at my own joke. I changed the focus to my peg which was about to get finished. I called up a waiter and told him with a great affection,”Dost, ek aur peg banva do vo badi mooch vale bhai sahab se. He knows what I am drinking.” Waiter smiled and went towards the bar. As I was going to start the number game again, I noticed the “9” girl moving towards me. In next few seconds she was standing in front of me.
The “9” girl: Hi. You are Niteesh na?
Me: (Ooops. She knows me) Yes. Do we know each other?
All of a sudden I became a sophisticated guy.
The “9” girl: You did not recognize me Niteesh (Ofcourse I didn’t. What the need of saying it) And actually I was not even expecting that you will recognize me. We met in a train journey from Hyderabad to Delhi in 2007. Try to recall. My name is Soniya. You don’t know how happy I am to see you.

Few years back……a journey from Secunderabad to Delhi in Sampark Kranti sleeper compartment. I was reading Sidney Sheldon’s “Tell Me Your Dream” and I saw a beautiful girl requesting the TTE to arrange a seat for her. She was carrying a bag which was too big to be carried by a beautiful girl like her. My seat was side lower and fortunately I was sitting alone on my seat. I noticed the expression of guys sitting around me. Everyone was rearranging their luggage to make some sitting space near them. I smiled and got busy in reading again and suddenly I heard a sweet voice. “Can I sit here for some time? I don’t have seat and TTE has asked me to wait for few hours.” The girl asked me.
I don’t know, was it the English novel or my side lower birth or my brother looking face, she came directly to me. Guys in the train who were talking to me in a friendly manner few minutes back were staring at me in fury. I had become the enemy of everyone.
There was some frequency match between me and that girl (keeping in mind that I generally don’t speak a lot in front of strangers) because we talked about many things in next 4-5 hours and after that I don’t remember, when the girl left my seat and why did not I take her number. But overall I remember that we had very good conversation and I gave her a lot of Gyan. This was the first and last time I met a girl in the train though every time I wish to meet some girl when I start a train journey (actually 90% of the guys does that. Rest 10% is committed). A survey says that 1.3% of all love stories start in a train.

Me: hey…good to see you. Sorry I could not recognize you.
Sonia: It ok. Its been long. Even I would not have recognized you if that meeting was not proved to be so important for my life. Meeting you is like a dream come true. I prayed it to God many times.
Me: Why? Did you lose something precious that day from your bag and you think I took it.
This was the most pathetic joke I cracked that day but still I found her smiling.
Soniya: I know that meeting would not have much importance for you but some of your words changed my life and probably my life would have been different if I had not met you in the train that day.
Guys feel best when they hear good words about them from beautiful girls and I am definitely a guy. Though, I was sure that whatever words changed her life would have been from some book or movie or from my brother.
Soniya: I was fighting for something important and I had almost accepted the defeat when I met you that day. I remember your words. Biggest happiness in life demands biggest fights and if you know that what you are going to do is right then go ahead. Otherwise, after 40 years when you will look back, you will find that you lost something important just because you did not give yourself the last try.
“I said that! Seems I am hearing these things for the first time. And who the hell will care what u did 40 years back. I don’t even remember what I was doing 4 hours back. Strange” I thought in mind.
She paused for few seconds and then she started again. “These are very common lines Niteesh and even I have heard these lines in different words from many people but you said it at the right time. Today I am a happy and satisfied person just because of the decision I took that day.”
After a deep breath she said: Thanks Niteesh
During the whole story I tried to remember many times that why I said so many gyan bhri baatein to her during that journey. I generally do Gyanbaaji with very close friends when we are in some intense discussion. Alcohol had made my brain little slower and rather than saying anything to the girl I was thinking that whether I should take one more peg or not.
“He is Niteesh, remember I told you about him” Sonia was introducing me with some good looking guy.
“He is Abhishek….my husband” She told me.
I said hi to him and understood that Abhishek came there to call her. Probably they were ready to go. After the end of story I had not said anything to Soniya. She had left the chair and was waving me. I did not even say welcome after the thanks. Finally I opened my mouth to speak.
Me: Sonia. How many points you would give me out of 10 if you rate guys on the basis of their appearance.
She gave me a puzzled expression and waited for few seconds and then she said: 6 or may be less than that.
I made a stupid looking sad face and saw her moving away. I waved her bye and moved towards the parking area with two thoughts. “Am I too drunk to drive?” and “I did not say bye to Aditya and Ahana”.

Self-Realization

2010-01-15T11:13:00.000+05:30

जीवन के उलझे रास्तो पर

मैं मंजिल नयी बनाता हूँ

हर कोशिश में कुछ पाने की

मैं खुद से ही मिल जाता हूँ

कुछ दोस्त मिले कुछ चले गए

कुछ रह कर भी अपने ना रहे

हर रस्ते पर हर मंजिल पे

मैं नए दोस्त बनाता हूँ

कोशिश में पाने की दोस्त नए

मैं खुद से ही मिल जाता हूँ

कभी जशनो में मैं मिलता हूँ

कभी सूरज सा मैं ढलता हूँ

जैसा मैं सबको पता हूँ मैं वैसा ही बन जाता हूँ

हर दिन एक रूप बदलने में

मैं खुद से ही मिल जाता हूँ

कुछ हैं जो मेरे अपने है

कुछ सच है और कुछ सपने है

कुछ खुद आकर मिल जाते है

कुछ से मैं मिलने जाता हूँ

हर सपने को सच में बदलने में

मैं खुद से ही मिल जाता हूँ

कभी तूफानी बरसातो में

कागज की नाव बनाता हूँ

कभी आंधी और तेज हवाओ में

मैं दीपक नए जलाता हूँ

इन दीपक की लौ के उजालो में

मैं खुद से ही मिल जाता हूँ

कभी बिलकुल स्थिर मैं रहता हूँ

कुछ सुनता हूँ कुछ कहता हूँ

कोई नया लक्ष्य जो मिला मुझे

मैं नदियों सा बह जाता हूँ

बहते बहते रुकते चलते

मैं खुद से ही मिल जाता हूँ

I Quit

2010-01-11T10:30:00.000+05:30

I had heard a lot about him. Most of the people told me bad things about him but I noticed that he was very good friend of many. I used to wonder how come everyone knows him. First time, I met him around 6 years back. I never thought that he will become my friend but somehow I started liking him. With each passing day our relation became stronger. It has become my habit to meet him 4-5 times a day. He was well adjusted in my circle and his presence had become necessary in all our gatherings.
My life with him was going great and suddenly one day things started changing. I was returning from my office and as usual I decided to meet him. We spend good time. While returning, suddenly I started feeling that someone is behind me…someone bad. I knew his intentions are to hurt me or probably kill me. I was afraid. My forehead was wet with sweat and my heartbeat became faster. I collected all my courage and turned back………………………..No one was there.
After that day this fear became part of my life. I started feeling the same thing again and again. I was wondering why anyone would want to kill me. Sometimes, I even noticed a dangerous shadow behind me sometimes but every time when I turned back, I found no one but a dark silence in the air. I knew something wrong is going on and I was sure I am in some big danger. I was really tensed and then I decided to meet “Uncle Sam”
Uncle Sam has got expertise in handling such cases. I went to his office which was full of big horrible machines and strange instruments. I was surprised to see the long queue of people waiting to meet him. I waited long to enter into his personal cabin. He was wearing a long overcoat and something strange was hanging around his neck. Uncle Sam asked me many questions and I honestly answered each of them. After a long discussion he gave me some instruction and asked me to go. He promised me that he will solve the problem.
I came out of Uncle Sam’s office and I felt a strong urge to meet my friend. I realized that I miss him more when I am in some kind of tension. I also realized that in such situations, his company gives me lot of support and relaxation. As I met him I again felt the same thing. Someone was definitely behind me with cruel intentions to kill me. I turned back and I found nothing. My fear was increasing day by day.
Life was moving on with same experiences till that day Uncle Sam called me and asked me to come to his office. I rushed towards his office. He asked me to sit on a long comfortable chair and instructed me to close my eyes. I knew that he has solved this mystery. After 5 minutes, picture of some past incident started appearing in front of my eyes. It was the same day when I had this frightening feeling for the first time. My eyes were closed but I was in full conscious. Whole scenario of that day started moving like a movie.
I am returning from my office…... I decided to meet him…..I am walking. I felt someone behind me….. I am afraid….I collected all my courage and turned back………………………..ohhh My God. Its you.
I cannot believe this. It was him… my friend. He had a big knife in his hand and his intention where clear….stab me. I opened my eyes. Uncle Sam was smiling.
Uncle Sam: This is why everyone says he is a bad guy. Whosoever becomes his friend initially likes him but he kills many of them….slowly.
I had understood everything. In past 6 year he had become part of my life but now the time has come to take a big decision. Uncle Sam was looking towards me and I knew that he wants to ask that what I am going to do.
I said: “I QUIT”
“We don’t smoke the cigarette. Cigarette smokes us. We are just suckers”
Cast:
Me: Anyone who has quit smoking
My Friend (and the killer)- Cigarette
Uncle Sam: Any doctor you can think of
[The Idea of this story was given by my friend Kirti Singh. I am writing his name to avoid any kind of controversy (like 3 idiot-Chetan Bhagat) incase this post becomes super hit.]

The Perception

2009-12-23T18:05:00.001+05:30

It was chilling evening and I was moving on a long straight road. Half constructed apartments were trying to register their presence in my mind but I was more interested in the loneliness of that road. No vehicles, no shops, no crowd…just the sound of chilling air, which was penetrating my skin to reach the bones of my body.
Suddenly, my legs stopped in front of a small park. Something forced me to move towards the park and I saw some kids playing in the park. Few more steps and noticed a little girl sitting on a wooden bench at one corner of the park. Something attracted me towards her. As I was approaching her, I noticed that she is not older than 5-6 years. I could not see her face because she was wearing a red woolen cap and looking downwards. At first instant I thought she is sleeping but then I realized that she is in deep thinking mode. Her small legs were stretched over the bench making a small part of her leg hanging in air.
As I sat on the same bench, she lifted her head and turned towards me. For few seconds, I was just lost in the cuteness of her face. Dark black eyes, small round face with pinkish white cheeks. The red cap covering her head and ears was making her even prettier. She was quite and did not speak anything; rather she closed her eyes and moved her head downwards again. I dint know why but a thought came in to my mind and I started a conversation.
I: Why are you sad little girl?
She (in sweeter than her face voice): I am not sad, I am thinking
(Impressed; this wasn’t the kind of answer I was expecting.)
I: What are you thinking?
She: I am thinking about a friend of mine, actually, the best friend of mine.
I: Ok. So he/she is not with you and you don’t have anyone else to play with (I made a guess)
She: I have lot of friends but I don’t want to play with them. I am waiting for him and if he comes, we will play otherwise I will go home (she said in her careless voice)
I: So where is your friend? Why did not he come? Where does he live? (I was wondering why I am asking so many questions to this small kid)
She: I don’t know. I met him here few days back. He was alone and he was white. When I saw him, he was hiding under that bush. Probably, he was afraid of something. Then I helped him to come out. He was small and he also had a cute small tail. He was not dirty like other doggies on the street. I gave him my toffee and he kissed me on my shoes. Then, we became friends and we started playing. Everyday, in evening, we used to play for hours and then I stopped playing with my old friends.
(I was not expecting that she is talking about any puppy or dog but I did not change my expressions, rather, I became more curious.)
I: Then?
She: We had become best friend. We enjoyed each others company. I even left playing with all my friends. Then one day, I went to my grandmom’s place for few days. When I returned, he was not here. I searched for him but I could not find him. I was sad and I cried. Every evening, I came here to search him. Yesterday I saw him playing with some other kid. I went to him but he ignored me. I stood there for many minutes but he did not come to me. When I returned to home, I cried again and mummy told me that she would bring me another puppy. But now, I don’t like any other puppy.
I: hmmm, that is sad. But how can you consider him your best friend when you know that he left you and now he is playing with someone else?
She: He is my best friend because I like him. May be, he left me because of some reason. May be he was hurt because I left him for few days or he met with some problems when I was not here. Right now I am thinking that whether I should go to him once more or not. May be he will recognize me this time.
This was a strange explanation which I could not understand, probably because I can not think like a kid…..pure and honest. I was not even sure what I should say to that kid. I just smiled and get up to move. I noticed that the girl has again made the same gesture in which I saw her when I entered in park. Many thoughts were moving in my mind but I could not figure them out.

BREAK-UP

2009-10-25T18:54:00.002+05:30

Every story, whether it is long or short, good or bad has an end. Important factor is that, how it ends. Fortunately, I have lot of friends, all of them having different characters and different way of thinking. More importantly, I got chance to be the evidence of many love relations of many of my friends.

Those who got a chance to be in love know that it is a beautiful feeling which can not be expressed in words. But many of the love relations have a serious negative outcome which is called “BREAK-UP”.

Break-up Type I- Male driven break-up: I am starting with this kind of break-up because this has been the most dominating since past especially in Tier II and Tier III cities. Guy starts the relation as a time pass element and girl (mostly simple girls of middle or lower middle class) becomes too senti. Girl starts thinking about the name of their unborn kids. But suddenly guy starts feeling that “yaar ye to chipak gayi hai”. OR he gets a better looking girl. BREAK-UP. Poor girl cry a lot and for really long time. She calls up the guy many times and asks “what wrong did I do”. Well, you did not do anything wrong, rather you did the right thing with a wrong guy. In simple words, he is BA*T*RD and does not deserve to be with you.

Break-up Type II- Female driven break-up: CAGR of this type of break-up has been around 20% in last 5 years. Future market is also very promising. Mostly happens when a smart, Tier I city girl gets involve with a simple guy. The guy goes to pick the girl every day from her coaching, driving 20 k.m. on his bike. One day when he reaches the coaching, he sees the girl moving away with a guy having car or at least better looking bike. BREAK-UP. This time guy cries a lot (mostly when he is drunk). In many cases, guy calls up the girt and tells her that he will kill her. He he he, boss, you are not going to do anything like this. If you really want to do something, find a right girl for you

Break-up Type III- Selection driven break-up: Both love each other but the problem is that they are not compatible. Problem starts when no one is ready to compromise. Fir kya….Roj roj ke jhagde. Some examples:
“See, I don’t like you talking to guys, have you ever seen me talking to other girls” ( hmmm over possessive)
“Ofcourse I love you but this is very good opportunity for my professional life…cant you wait for few more years” (The sensitive and the ambitious)
“Nooo I don’t talk to her now. She was my past. (Shak…what the F**K)
In such kind of break-up, they unite many times after saying “Its over” but ultimately they separate.
Compromise is an important part of relation. Words like perfect match do not exist, perfect relation does.

Break-up Type IV- Destiny driven break-up: We were the perfect match but…..
Whenever I think about love relation, I consider 4 factors which make the relation successful. Love, respect, understanding and compatibility. This couple has it all but there are some other things which affect a relation. In most of the cases this thing is “parents”.
They always had an option to run away but somehow they could not do it. Some experts (including me) don’t like to use the word break-up for such kind of end but that does not matter.
Life of both ends becomes difficult and only time heals the pain. Although, in their hearts, the relation lives forever.
“Hum dil de chuke sanam” and “Rab ne bana di jodi” becomes their favorite movie because they try to relate them selves with the characters.

What ever is the kind of break-up, life becomes difficult for some time (unless you have advance degree in flirting). Jagjit Singh suddenly becomes the favorite singer and watching space becomes favorite sport. Public gatherings become torture and many of friends become enemies. Many of the acquaintances (some friends also) make fun of their break-up and feel like winner. “Dekha….maine kaha tha unka relation nahi chalega”
Some friends, who understand the situation, become close during this time. Most among these friends (the intellectual or nice ones) do not speak much, they just hear. Some speak also: “Dood I understand you. When I broke-up with my girl, I did not eat for 10 days”.

I feel that life always gives you some reasons to restart. Bad things come and go in life and the only thing which remains forever is “Memories”. You will always find a reason to smile if you want to. One of my favorite lines says that:

KAHANI KE ANT ME SAB THEEK HO JATA HAI AUR AGAR THEEK NAHI HUA TO SAMJHO KAHANI ABHI KHATAM NAHI HUI HAI”

The Night & The Train

2009-09-07T10:24:00.000+05:30

Year 2002, the city in UP where you can find more number of foreigners than cows on street, the city where you can find more number of temples than chai ki dukan, the city where you can find a university bigger than some countries (sorry for exaggerating). VARANASI.

I was there to give a try to my dream of being a doctor. My life was really wonderful and full of excitement. Wake up at 5 in the morning......study for continuous 3 hours (unless pressure of inevitability comes). Breakfast around 8 and then... study. Lunch at 1 and then.... study, coaching classes from 3 to 7 and there… study. Hear Altaf Raja’s “tum to thahre pardesi” in auto (most of the time while returning from coaching) and after reaching home.... study . I loved my life there.

One of my friends was also there for preparation. We were kind of young and energetic that time and we had promised ourselves that “Kuch bhi ho….phod dena hai”. I used to visit my hometown, Faizabad, once in 2 months and our favorite train was ‘Sialdah Express”. We used to travel without ticket in general compartment at that time and every travel was around 240 minutes fear from the DooD, we call TTE.

It was 2.45 in the morning of a December night and everyone at the railway station was looking like a moving holdall (of cloths). As suggested by the old and experienced guy at the inquiry (most sought after place at railway station), I and my friend were waiting for the Sialdah express at platform number 3. I had fought a bunch of atleast 50 people to get the information about train and so I was feeling like James Bond. The air was chilling and we were having tea keeping our volume as low as possible to fight against the winter.

Suddenly, we saw “Sialdah Express” at platform 5. There were some kind of announcement on the loudspeaker but like most of the stations in India, neither the speaker nor the loudspeaker was clear. Before we could understand anything train from platform 5 started moving. We ran towards the train thinking that the inquiry has given us wrong info. Because the train had already started moving, we took the shortcut to reach the train saving our steps from the most common stuff (in India) between railway tracks.

Somehow, we managed to catch the train and had become the part of crowd in general compartment. Train was moving and after 15-20 minutes we noticed that this is not the same track which goes to Faizabad. I was surprised and so I asked an uncle standing near me “Uncle, ye train Faizbad jaegi na”. The uncle ji gave me a weird look and started shouting at me “ pagal ladke, ye Sialdah “down” hai, Faizabad Sialdah “up” jati hai. Vo train platform 3 par ane vali thi gadhe. Bevkoof kahi ke. I was surprised. In just few seconds he gave me shower of pagal, gadhe, ullu and some other words I fail to recall.

We got down from the train at next station and it was 4.30 in the morning. We were not having a ticket and the station was really small. We were only people who came out of train at that station and it was platform number 3 again. We took stairways and were moving towards platform 1.

“Kaha se aaye ho ladko? Ticket hai paas me?” a voice came from behind. A policeman covered in Khaki from head to toe was coming behind us. I and my friend saw each other and next second we found ourselves running towards main exit. The policeman was also running behind us but we were much younger than him. The second reason he could not catch us was that a guy run fastest when a policeman is behind him. We came out of station and waited for 45 min to get a lift from an uncle. He was in a big car and going to Varanasi. Situation was perfect but we left the uncle ji after 15 min, took lift from a tractor, a bullock cart and finally got a cab to reach Varanasi.

We reached Varanasi at 8 in morning. That night was a real experience for me. The chilling night, the guy in the train and the train itself. But the best part was the uncle ji who gave us lift. We left his car because he was GAY. Now please dont ask me how we came to know that he was gay.

I know I won...but - Part II

2009-08-08T16:09:00.000+05:30

Many years had passed and now I was quite big in size, in fact I had completed my studies. Everyone was surprised on the fact that I had got campus placement in a reputed MNC and I was surprised because the company asked me to join (in Hyderabad) before the completion of my course. I joined the company on 2nd of April and I had to come back to Noida for my final semester exams after one month.
I reached Noida 1 week before the exam so that I can recall something (or at least anything) which I was taught in final semester. The day I reached Noida, the student inside me suddenly opened his eyes after a long sleep and I realized that I have to submit a dissertation project report in college which was part of my final semester curriculum. There were only three problems. First, I had not prepared it, second, the project report was of 200 marks and third, I had to submit it the next day I reached Noida. It was 3 in the afternoon and a big daru party was also taking shape in our house cum hostel, so I had to complete this report thing asap. I was about to feel helpless when one of my friend came up with a solution. It was not the best solution but because I did not had any other option so it was actually the best solution.
In less than 20 minutes we both were in Atta market, in front of a small printout shop. The shop was full of restless creatures who were actually students, like me. The uncle ji ho was sitting in that shop was looking very friendly and generous person. And then my friend told to him, “Sir, we want to buy a project report”.
Without giving us any alien look he handed over one booklet kind of thing to us. I opened it and saw that it was full of project titles. There were more than 200 project titles in that booklet. Uncle ji asked me to select one. My eyes scanned the book in few seconds and I selected a very long and strange looking title from the book. (On asking, Uncle ji informed us that these are project reports made by students of various colleges in last 4-5 years. All the reports are at least 2 years old). I took the printout and gave it to binding shop for hard binding. While returning, I noticed at least 40% of my classmates buying reports from similar shops in Atta market.
Next day, I submitted the report in the college and got busy in the exams. Finally the day came of the viva of the dissertation report. Everyone was carrying a photocopy of their original report. I noticed one of my classmates (whom I say buying report that day), trying to tell others how much hard work and efforts he has given in preparing this report. I smiled and moved ahead and suddenly my legs stopped automatically.
A report was lying on the table and the funny part was that it had the same title of my report. I picked up the report and found that it is word to word same. Same charts, same case studies and even same page numbers. I was almost killed by God’s justice.
I shouted in horrified voice,” whose report is this”. One of my classmates (girl) came forward from the crowd and told me “this is mine. It is good na”
“Yeah, it is really good. That’s why I have also bought the same report”. I replied.
Cuteness of her face suddenly disappeared. Even I was not in very good position.
“I will be caught, they will give me 0 marks, I will loose my job” Thousands of similar thoughts came in to my mind in less then 3 seconds and all of them were possible.
Suddenly, a good friend of mine (who was Dood of our class) came in to existence, analyzed the situation and said in confident voice,” Nothing can be done man. You are screwed” and disappeared.
But he came back again after 10 minutes, took the report of the girl and ran towards I don’t know where (at that moment). I run behind him and she ran behind me. Because of curiosity, some of my classmates also started running behind us. They did not even know why we are running. We reached at the photocopy shop of my college block one by on and somehow managed to change the cover page of her report.
She went for the Viva first and everything went fine. Now it was my turn for the Viva. I entered in the room and sat on the chair like the most innocent guy on the earth. The teacher who was taking my viva was the most notorious visiting faculty of our class. I don’t know why but he liked my report and asked me as many questions. To my surprise, I answered all the questions like I have actually made that report. The viva went fantastic.
After few months, I got the news that our convocation ceremony is going to happen very soon and I have got the award for best dissertation project.
I know many of my classmates were really annoyed. Even I knew that I do not deserve this reward. This reward was one more reason why I did not attend my convocation.
I never planned to won this dissertation project award by cheating. It was just that I ran to escape from a dog and when I stopped I came to know that I have won a race 

I know I won...but - Part I

2009-08-03T12:50:00.000+05:30

They say that honesty wins at the end..............they are wrong.
Many years back when I was quite small in size (I was in 8h standard), I took part in a G.K. competition. Those who know me today would say that I should not even allowed to sit in such competition. My general knowledge is horrible. Today when people ask me something related to G.K., I just start Googling. Probably Google is the only hope left in my life.
But, I was better in G.K. that time and so I took part in the competition. Some of my classmates and friends also took part in the competition and I know they were far better than me. I was just hoping for a consolation prize or a participation certificate. The competition was organized by a reputed organization and so all the participants were really serious about the competition except me. As usual I was busy in cricket and other activities when all other were eating “Samanya Gyan-Kaun Kya hai”.
Finally the day of test came and one of my Kitaabi Keeda friends called me up at 9 in the morning. I wake up by the tring tring of the phone. It was not more than 15-20 day we had taken the BSNL landline connection and it was our first phone. (Try to remember the first landline phone at your house and initial tring tring of it. People used to wait 3-4 day to hear the tring tring of the phone). I wake up by my friend's call and I saw the time. The test was supposed to start at 10 and it was 9 already. (The best thing about my parents is that they never try to wake me up early). My friend told me that he has read 7 books and he is confident about winning a prize. I said all the best to him and I wished that he get the 1st price coz he has really done hard work for the competition.
I was about to start for the venue of the test when suddenly one of my neighborhood friend rushed into our house with many A4 size sheets in his hand. He was looking like a man who has just broken a prison and running away from Nicholas Cage, the FBI officer.
“What is the matter? You are moving life football. You have killed some one or you are making a documentary on ants” I asked him.
He replied,” I am running like an ant for you”
Before he could complete his sentence, I said, “I haven’t killed anyone either. I have just wake up. Ohhh, are pintu’s parents coming for me. Yesterday I hit him with the cricket bat.
He said,”shut up and hear me. One of my cousin was in the organizer committee of the G.K. competition in which you have participated. He just came to me and gave me the question paper which is supposed to come in the test today. I haven’t participated and so this is not of much use for me, but this is a jackpot for you” he gave me the question paper.
I looked at it. 100 multiple choice question. I started reading it and I came to know that I hardly know the answer of 50 questions. It was 9. 35 already and suddenly a storm of G.K. books came into my house. Books of G.K. were coming from every corner of my home and I was amazed that I have this much G.K. books at my home.
Somehow, I managed to find the answer of most of the question and rushed to the venue of the test. I was 20 min late already and other participants were lost in the ocean of question. I requested the organizers to allow me to sit in the competition and gave the excuse which was most common and most successful excuse of that time. Sir, my bicycle got puncher in the way.
They were kind enough to allow me to sit in the test and I was the first one to finish the test in my room. I handed over my answer sheet to the invigilator like a born winner and walked confidently outside the room.
The judgment day has arrived and I dressed like never before. In a huge auditorium, my name was announced as the participant stood first in the competition. They added.” This boy has broken the record of previous years and has given 96 right answers. Although, he came 20 min late in the test but he finished it on time. He is simply outstanding”. My friend who worked hard for the test got consolation prize.
That day I was a champion for everyone. Everyone was praising me. As people came to congratulate me, a strange feeling inside me suddenly came into existence. I don’t know what it was but it was painful. I was not liking the word which everyone was using for me. By the evening, I transformed in to a looser.
I still see the trophy in my cupboard. I participated in many competitions and won many prizes in academics and sports after that but this trophy is still biggest among all. But being biggest is not the only difference. All other trophies and certificates give a feeling of satisfaction and proud……..
They say that honesty wins in the end........actually they are right. Its just that what is your definition of “WIN”

The Mirror Has Two Faces

2009-07-29T12:34:00.000+05:30

A year has passed and in last one year, I felt alone many times. I knew I am in search for something (or someone) and I always knew what it was. I waited really long for this moment to come and I traveled a long distance to see him. I was still not sure that he would be agree to come with me.

As soon as I started to walk on the same old road my heart started sinking. “Nothing has changed in one year”, I thought. I was about to reach my destination and I felt that something was melting inside me, something very big or very heavy. I knew it was a emotion, probably the most common and most strong thing (I am not sure it is a right word) in the life of a human.

The place was exactly same as I left: same shopping space, same restaurant, same cigarette shop and same bench in the center of that area. The place was crowded as usual but my eyes were looking for someone very familiar and very close.

When I saw him, he was sitting on the same bench where I left him year back. He was quite and he was not looking at anyone or anything. He was lost in his own space. I went towards him and sat besides him. He didn’t see me but I noticed a smile on his lips. He said, “I knew you would come”.

I: Time to go back

He didn’t reply and gave a faint smile.

I: It has been a year and you still sitting on the same place. What are you still waiting for?

He: I am not waiting for anything. It is just that I don’t want to leave this place.

I: I could never understand that why you are so emotional. We faced the same situation but the only difference is that I moved on and you still sitting on the same place. Initially time was tough for me too but I fought against it and now I am a happy and satisfied man.

He: Then why are you here?

I: I am here because of you. I feel incomplete without you. We started our life together. We were so different but we were the perfect combination. I always considered you as the best part of mine.

He: Practical people like you should not talk like this. You moved on because I was not with you. I choose to stay here coz it is me because of whom you suffered. You were practical and perfect. I took everything seriously. I know you don’t allow people to come so close that they can hurt you. I did and we both paid for it.

I: It is your way of thinking. I did not suffer because of you. I suffered because the destiny has planned to make me stronger. I moved on because of you. I alone am not perfect and you know people love me more because of you than me. Whatever comes in life has some purpose. I feel stronger and better than before. You know me; I never miss the learning when I miss the success.

He: You always impress me by your words. Sometimes I am just amazed that how can you be so practical.

(I saw him smiling and suddenly for a second I felt a wave of contentment inside my mind and soul)

I: I have come here coz I have much bigger dreams for my life now. Whatever happened last year, it has wakened up the best inside me. Now I really thank those who hurt my ego, they forced the best in me to come in to existence. I just need you back in my life and I know all the bad memories would be erased. And I know you would come with me.

He did not say anything. He was lost again in his space. I saw his face: calm, content and selfless.

I started moving away from him. “Probably he is not ready yet” I thought. My legs suddenly stopped in front of that cigarette shop where I stopped year before. I lit a Classic Mild and everything flashed out in front of my eyes like a movie.

20th July 2008. Me sitting on the same bench and smoking the same cigarette, collecting the pieces of some broken dreams, loosing the battle of ego for the first time. Me, leaving the place and trying to keep my self respect alive and me, leaving something very important on the same bench.

I smiled again and my smiled told me that whatever happened here a year back was destined to happen. I have changed after that and that change was desired. I don’t really care about the past and the one who cares was still there, watching me leaving the place for ever. I knew that next time when I will come here it would be a new place for me. I crushed the cigarette below my sole and the emotions inside my soul. My world is different now.

Emotions were still flowing inside my nerves. I told to myself that this story has never been about love or friendship or broken relations. The story has always been of my self respect & identity and finally self realization. Some times you must meet the worst in order to see the best in you. I was happy that I finally came here but I was disappointed that he did not come with me. He was still sitting there.

The road was empty. People generally don’t like to walk in the afternoon of hot summer in Noida but I was not feeling anything. I was just walking to leave the place behind me for ever and suddenly I heard the sound of steps behind me. I turned back.

His steps were straight and confident. His face calm and having no signs of regret. His body language same as before, of a man who don’t care who rule this world. His eyes having same brightness as before.

He was the same old Niteesh, the best part of my soul.

"WILL" ALONE

2009-07-28T13:26:00.000+05:30

“WILL” ALONE

WHEN I AM AGAINST AIR, WHEN NO ONE THERE TO CARE

WHEN NO DREAMS ARE SPARE,WHEN NOTHING LEFT TO SHARE

I DRIVE MY SOUL.

WHEN ROAD IS TOO LONG,WHEN ENEMY IS TOO STRONG

WHEN JOY IS TOO SHORT,WHEN COURAGE DENIES TO RESTART

I DRIVE MY SOUL.

WHEN THE END IS CERTAIN, WHEN THE SUCCESS IS HARD TO MAINTAIN

WHEN LOSS EVERYWHERE NOTHING TO GAIN, WHEN AIR BRINGS ONLY PAIN

I DRIVE MY SOUL

WHEN I AM ALONE IN CROWD ,WHEN SILENCE IS VERY LOUD

WHEN NIGHT IS FULL OF FEAR, WHEN I NEED A FRIEND BUT NO ONE NEAR.

I DRIVE MY SOUL

WHEN SMILE BRINGS TEARS IN EYES, WHEN JOYS ARE SHORT AND TIME FLIES

WHEN NOTHING IS VISIBLE AND ROAD IS LONG, WHEN EVERYBODY IS SAYING YOU ARE WRONG

I DRIVE MY SOUL

WHEN NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME, WHEN QUESTION IS OF MY DIGNITY

WHEN I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO REPLY, WHEN MY INNER SELF WANT TO CRY

I DRIVE MY SOUL

WHEN SUCCESS IS MY CROWN, FOR EVERY ONE I AM REKNOWN

WHEN PEOPLE COUNT ME FIRST, WHEN NO ONE AFFORDS ME TO NEGLECT

I CONTROL MY SOUL.